110. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) with Amy Stark

Amy Stark 0:04

To help people to really like get better permanently. And that's where I found EFT

Dr. Stephanie Gray 0:12

Welcome to the your longevity blueprint podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Stephanie gray. My number one goal with the show is to help you discover your personalized plan to build your dream health and live a longer, happier, truly healthier life. You're about to hear from Amy Stark. Today we're going to dive into how EFT the Emotional Freedom Technique is one tool that can literally free you to a transformation. Let's get started.

Thanks for joining me for another episode of The your longevity blueprint podcast. today. My guest is Amy Stark, who's an author, speaker and teacher about personal transformation and the host of the stark transformation show. For over a decade, Amy has been teaching others how to master their life and energy with the most cutting edge tools and techniques. Amy has a degree in psychology a master's in education is an LMT and a biohacker at heart. She's a trained Reiki master Reconnective healer, EFT practitioner and is known around the world for helping people to create happy and healthier lives full of joy and purpose. That sounds like where I want to be. So show me.

Amy Stark 1:17

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 1:19

Well, how did you go from science teacher to healer, as we were talking, before we started recording you told me used to be a science teacher. And now you're all kinds of things. So yeah, your story? Well,

Amy Stark 1:29

so here's the thing. I grew up in a family with six kids, and I like to please people, please. So I was people pleaser perfectionist. It was just a way to get in survived through my family. And the chaos was loss of love and everything. But I wound up trying to do everything that I thought I was supposed to do. And I wound up having tremendous anxiety, I ended up in a school in New York City, serving students with emotional disturbances with no training in handling them. So and they were in high school. So I wound up becoming really, really stressed out and I actually had to leave my job.

So I had gotten a master's degree, I had jumped through all the hoops to become a teacher. And then here I was four years later, I couldn't take it anymore. And I was like, something went wrong, you know. So I had a real like, moment there, where I was very much considering just checking out completely to life. And I was like, This is not like me, something's gotta be wrong, maybe there's something I can do. So I was thankful that I came across somebody who mentioned meditation as like a possible way to chill out. And I was like, All right, I actually was so competitive. And also in the gogogo, of New York City that I like said to her, Okay, I'll try it.

And then I was like, man, now I have to do it, you know, because she's gonna be like, how did it go, and I'm gonna be like, Oh, but I was really afraid to sit down and meditate. I it was something that I was like, Amy, you played sports for 25 years, you can sit on a couch for 15 minutes, with your eyes shut. Like it's not that big of a deal. And it really was. And it's so funny how we talk about it in society about like meditation being like a cop out, or, you know, just like easy or, you know, whatever it is, is very difficult, very hard. You're like listening to your own thoughts, you find out how awful you talk to yourself. So that's where I started the process of sorting through like, my beliefs from growing up what happened to me, I at the time, I was coming out of the closet, you know, pretty much or had just come out. So I was trying to figure out where I fit within the world.

And it was really, really helpful. And at the same time, all these gifts started opening up, I started seeing energy. I started communicating with the other side. And I wasn't even intentionally trying to do that. And I could see sequence of events coming. I could feel pain in other people's bodies. And it was a really interesting way of figuring these things out. Because I was sitting there one time when I was meditating. And I thought of my twin sister. All of a sudden, my eyes started burning. And then I was like, Wait a second, what the heck's going on? Why are my eyes burning with my eyes shut? So open them, and then they were fine. So I was like, Okay, go back to meditating. I closed my eyes.

And my eyes started burning again. And I was like, What is going on? And I was like, Who did I just think of before this started happening? And it was my twin sister. So I had enough confidence because she's my twin to call her and be like, Hey, what's going on? So I called her and I said, Hey, you know, are you how's it going? She's like, Oh, did you talk to mom, I have a double pink eye infection. And I was like, whoa, what? Yeah, I was like, that's what it felt like. So then the next day, the same thing happened, but it was with my dad, I thought of my dad, and my tooth started hurting. So I called my mom and I said, How's dad doing? She's like, Oh, he's at the dentist right now. He's getting his tooth worked on, because he bent down on a wall night last night and broke it.

So I was like, something is really going, you know, weird here. So, of course, as a science teacher, I knew nothing about any of this. So I was grateful that I came across Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton. And I started reading that and then I realized that we're all connected, that there's a quantum field that there's an electrical magnetic field of the Earth. And I started to feel like I wasn't going crazy. But there was something weird happening. So I, the more that I dove into it, the more I realized that I could be of service with people.

And while I wasn't a doctor, I could, you know, sense what was going on in their bodies. And eventually, I got to this point where I was like, what's causing all this, like, you know, it's nice that it's happening, and I can maybe help them and get out of pain or help them on their journey to figure out who they are, but what's causing them to get stuck. And it was emotions, and it was trauma. So that's when I started to focus on that to help people to really like get better permanently. And that's where I found EFT. Love that

Dr. Stephanie Gray 5:39

I want to get to that. But your story is so great.

Amy Stark 5:43

There's a long journey,

Dr. Stephanie Gray 5:45

that I want to go back to it because you were also chronically ill as a child and young adult. So yeah, you've mentioned the anxiety, but like, What do you mean by chronically ill? So what else have you kind of battled and conquered. And so when

Amy Stark 5:56

I was two years old, I was diagnosed with asthma and allergies. And I was in and out of doctors offices, probably twice a week for my whole childhood. This was before kids like had issues like so I was like, the only one in the class with a runny nose sneezing all the time, like could hardly concentrate. I had massive brain fog. I didn't know what that was about. When I was 26 years old. That's when I started meditating. And I took a class to I was crazy. I don't even know how this happened. But I said, I think I can heal with my hands. And I felt confident enough to tell who I'm now married to, that I thought I could heal my hair with my hands. And she was like, oh, there's a class right down the street for you. I was like, there are more people like me, like, I didn't even know and like so I, I took the class. And after that class, my whole orientation to food.

And what I was putting into my body just automatically changed. I was at the time, I was drinking a lot of Diet Cokes. I stopped drinking them, I didn't want them. All the sugary foods. I didn't want them I wanted green. So I'm grateful that I had that natural transformation, you know, from doing the energy work and things like that. But then that got me curious. I was like, Well, wait a second, how did that make me feel a lot better. So that's sort of 26 by the time I was 30, I just taken my last asthma pill that had been taken for 15 years straight. And I had gone to hypnosis therapy thinking this is not going to work. And then all of a sudden, I just knew I had really something and I didn't need it anymore. And I And I'm 41 years old. So I was 11 years ago. And it's been a, you know, a journey.

And I had mistakes that I made along the way, like I did juice cleanses. And I didn't know that you weren't supposed to hamburger after it. Like, you know, you know, like the little bumps in the road. But I'm okay with that. Like, I think based on my results from two diagnostic where they look at your DNA, at 41 years old, my immune system is out of a 28 year old. So my goal this year is even lower that you know because why not? i That's That's who I am. I just I just want to keep improving becoming a better version of myself.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 8:01

Yeah, love that. Love that. Okay, so my question is, how do you think you got there, and maybe EFT is one of those pieces. So let's, let's talk about that you're a unique guest, and you have unique talents and skills. And I haven't brought on any guests like you, we haven't really talked even about the emotional freedom technique. So what is that? And what's the science behind it, like, tell our listeners more.

Amy Stark 8:21

So my big aha moment was, if I am in the sympathetic nervous system for any reason, I'm not going to heal. So I needed to get into the parasympathetic nervous system. And so if that means not eating gluten, like for me, it Gluten is a trigger and hijacks my system. So I remove that. So I call that like the low lying fruit, which is really truly it's like the food that you're eating that might be causing them. I looked at my environment to see what I could eliminate as well, you know, just getting into healthier places. But then I was like, what about my thoughts? What about my emotions? What about the things that have happened to me, that are triggering me, like not feeling like I'm good enough, you know, like something that's playing constantly in the background that is causing you to be in the sympathetic nervous system.

And so that was one of the things that I noticed with my clients is that I could help them feel better. But the energy seemed to always creep back like a year later, or whatever. And I was like, What's going on here? And it was the emotions and the trauma that was still stored. So I became super gifted at finding the trauma that is stored within people's bodies, and then thus in the neural networks and the body that is creating this loop that they find themselves in. And once we get out of that loop, like once that loop and trauma leaves, then the real you fills in and then you're like how did I ever believe that I was not good enough? It's interesting how the truth will be revealed when you're in the parasympathetic nervous system.

But when you're in the sympathetic, it's not there is you just don't see all available options. It's just the way that the nervous system works. cuz I mean, you're not when you're in fight or flight, you're trying to run away, you know, get away from a saber toothed tiger or whatever, you're not worried about killing off cancer cells, you're not worried about the last conversation you have with somebody and whether it was a good conversation or not, you're just like, survival, right? But when you're in the parasympathetic, it's the rest, digest and heal, you have a better immune system, you are see all available options, you are more creative, you're using a higher level of thinking. And that's where you create your next phase of your life. Like that's how you do it. You have to be in that state, which meditation is one of those ways, but a lot of people don't want to do meditation.

And I encourage EFT because it really does calm the body, just the combination of the things that you do when you're doing Emotional Freedom Technique you innately turn on the parasympathetic nervous system. So I can go into it if you want. But that's please do. Yes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So I was a science teacher. And I was like, EFT looks really goofy. I don't know if you've ever seen anybody do it. But it's like a lot of, you know, tapping on the head. And it almost looks like they're trying to get somebody to laugh and be like, are you punking me. And when I heard the science behind it, that's when I gave it a shot. So I had heard about it for a couple of years, but I dismissed it. And so I'll tell you the science, in one hour of tapping, it will turn on 72 genes for healing.

So you're not really able to turn on genes and off, but it's it's being read. So 72 genes are being read. And then it decreases cortisol levels by 37% in one hour, which is really, really good, right? So cortisol is a stress hormone, it has a cascading effect within the body. From science, those two things are really important. But also what happens in your brain when you experience something is that your brain starts to tag the experiences that are alike. And it's called your reticular activating system, which it's a lens in which you see the world. And your brain has so much information coming in all the time that it decides to just, like go off of what it already knows.

So like if I think I'm not good enough, it's like, oh, let's find where we're not good enough. And so that's all I see. Except for I there's other people over here in the background being like, Amy, you're amazing, or whatever, you know, and I'm like, gosh, I don't know what to do without you. And you know, this food that you make is just amazing, you know, whatever it is for my family, but I don't hear it. I don't take it in. Because my focus is on how proving that I am good enough, right? Because I think I'm not good enough. So I'm just like, Yeah, okay, what's the next thing I got to do. And until you interrupt that pattern, which is what EFT does, it calms the body, it takes down that neural network. And it takes time for something as big as that to come down.

But people use us for fears like fear of flying, fear of public speaking, a limiting beliefs, like I can't make more money than X amount of money, I can't get that job, things like that. You know, the interesting thing when I've done over 1000 sessions of EFT and with myself and others, probably now 2000. And what I've noticed is it all comes back to childhood, unfortunately, so a lot of the programming that we are running is from childhood. And we were not really present for that programming. And that way of seeing the world. So if there is a pattern in your life, like not getting the right partner or not getting the job or feeling like you're not good enough, they probably came from when you were in childhood.

And that's the beauty of EFT is you don't have to know what the program is that you picked up, it will naturally rewrite it. So I love how it can be done anywhere. You don't have to see a practitioner, you can do it yourself. And you also don't have to remember what happened in childhood, you just tap and your Body Keeps the Score over the years. But it will also unwind and release this trauma as you start tapping. So that's what I've seen as with my gifts is just watching that stuff unfold as like a story.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 13:54

So for listeners, I mean, I know what this is. But for listeners who don't quite still understand the science is great. But even if listeners can't see you tapping, like explain what you mean, like So walk us through. Try to walk us through.

Amy Stark 14:07

Yeah, yeah, shoot all the time. Yeah, I can I can tell you where I'm tapping. So there's a whole process that you go through right in order to address what you're what's going on. So if you have a fear of flying, let's say, you would ask yourself on a scale of zero to 10, what that fear is 10 Being a lot zero being not at all, you're not tapping if it's a zero. So if it's a 10, you just say to yourself, Okay, that's where I'm at, then you start tapping and this is this is actually helping you had some people on talking about acupuncture. And this is using the meridians of the body. So the meridians are like superhighways throughout the body that carry energy and information. And when you tap on them, you actually are helping to release the energy.

So this is a mind body spirit kind of transformation that you're getting when you use EFT. So the first point that I'll start with you don't have to do tapping perfectly. You can do it As much as or as little as you want, or as perfectly or not perfectly as you want. So there's one point that's on the hand, and that will be connected to the heart meridian. And that's going to help you release any grief or anything that has to do with the heart, how you've talked to yourself, you know, that kind of stuff. So you would start tapping, you would say, even though I'm afraid to fly, I deeply love and accept myself. And so you're gonna keep tapping and you just tap rhythmically.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 15:25

So you're I can barely, you're just like, tapping on your, okay. Okay, yeah, so

Amy Stark 15:29

it's the fatty part of the hand between the pinky, the bottom of the pinky and the wrist. And so you're gonna tap there, and you're gonna just tune in to how you feel, and anything else that might be coming up. So like, if you feel it all of a sudden in your heart, like the heart space, like you might feel like you're caving in, or something like that, tune in to that as well. Because you might have a story that's revealed where you were traveling somewhere, and somebody gave you terrible news. And you're like, Oh, my God, I never knew that my brain connected the to flying and bad news, right? So there's your brain, like I said, it's just tagging things that it needs to remember to keep you safe, basically. And it's not really a sophisticated technology, it's just like, is this gonna kill you or not. And then if it is, then it remembers it, and it won't let it go until you tell it to let it go.

So that's why when we're zero to seven, we wind up bringing those fears into adulthood, even though we're adults and have way more tools and better understanding of the world. And you know, it's really for our best interest to step into this new job, instead of like not taking a risk. Like maybe we could go all the way back to the playground where somebody was like, Hey, I dare you to go across the monkey bars, and then you fall and you feel like a fool and you hurt yourself. And then now all of a sudden, you're you know, you have been offered a job and you're like, I don't know, should I take it? It seems risky, and I don't want to be a fool. And if that's all back from childhood, right? So tapping on that kind of stuff is going to help to help you see what's in your best interest, not try to keep you safe.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 16:58

So this generated a few more questions. So let me go back because I interrupted you. You were saying you could tap saying even though I'm afraid of flying, and then I interrupted you. So like, what would you say? What words would you Yeah,

Amy Stark 17:09

right? Exactly. So there's a phrase that you say, I love and accept myself. And I'm going to tell you why this is so important. First of all, love super healing for the whole body, right? It calms your nervous system, that's when you're in the parasympathetic nervous system. And acceptance is the next thing that you need to say, because in order to move forward, you have to accept where you're at. And I'm gonna give you an analogy, when you're trying to travel somewhere, you might use a GPS, so you're gonna put in the location you want to go, but she's gonna say, the lady that you know, is like, where are you going, like, put in your other location, and you have to check in with where you're at.

You have to accept the fact that you are here and you want to be there. So it's the same with where you want to go in life, you have to know where you're starting from, to know where you want to go. And that's meditation that's checking in with your body. That's like, what is what's the truth of this matter? Like, is this job really good for me? Or is it not good for me, you know, is it really truly a risk? That's when we're really calm, we accept it. And then when we accept ourselves that even though we're not perfect, even though we're going through this thing, our body's like, oh, we can make mistakes, things are going to be okay, it's going to work out because then you start tapping.

And like I said, it's the perfect interruption to that pattern of like, let's say anxiety, it comes in and it's calm, and the brain is smart enough to say, Wait a second, normally, we have anxiety when we're trying to take a risk. And now we don't. So this is a dangerous network to be running, we need to have we need to get on the same page about this. And I build a new network in your brain that says risks are okay, as long as we evaluate them thoroughly, right?

Dr. Stephanie Gray 18:49

Yeah. So it sounds like obviously, I'm not going to master this technique. And during this interview, you'd be sounds like, like you're saying, You're so you're, I totally get and appreciate you're interrupting that channel. You're, you're literally forcing the body to stop. Right? Then you're tapping in Are you saying like, as you're tapping, like what may be revealed to you, like you, you may understand what happened or not understand you may remember something that happened in childhood, which is why you're now fearful of x, you know, now, you may also not so like some people it may be kind of revealed to in the moment, and then you put the connections together, and you're like, oh, my gosh, that's why I'm, you know, x, y, z. So is that what you're saying? While you're tapping? You may have that realization or whatnot. Right? Exactly. Okay. But you may not also like,

Amy Stark 19:34

well, here's the beauty of it all. You may have the realization, and you may know that you've realized this and have an awareness of it. But if you don't, it's still working because your body keeps a score. And as you're tapping, you're moving that energy out. And here's the thing. It's not just about like you were traveling somewhere and then there was this thing that happened your brain is a little bit smarter than that. What it puts probably has more to do is this deeper understanding from childhood of I feel unsafe when there's chaos or somebody else is in charge.

That's like the energy behind the energy that I always encourage people to keep searching for. And this is why we do a scale from zero to 10. Because as you're tapping each round that you do, you'll notice you take, you take inventory, and you say, Okay, now I'm at a six, and now I'm at a four, now I'm at a two, you know, you want to get down to two or less, because then the rest of that energy is has enough ability to leave the body because enough emotional trauma or whatever is, is been removed. So there's least the least resistance. Sure, sure. Yeah. So you just keep going. And so there's, you want to go through the other stuff. So

Dr. Stephanie Gray 20:43

and so that's my, my next question is, okay, so you maybe start here, but like in a session, kind of walk us through what other points are, you know, locations like meridian?

Amy Stark 20:52

Yeah, so So everybody's like, How many times do I need to tap on the hand, and I'm like, whatever feels good, but seven is what they say, because they have to give some kind of number, right, so then the next spot would be at the top of the head. And so sometimes I don't know about you, but I get a headache, sometimes right at the top. And that's where, you know, if you're having anxiety, or emotions are getting trapped in your head, you could cause like, this pain up here, so there's a point right in the center of your head, and you're going to get to use your flat hand to tap on top of the head.

So this is going to help to release some of that stuck emotion or stuck energy that's at the top of your head. And then you're gonna go to the next point, which is the inner eyebrow. And I like to tap bilaterally, so it means on both sides, but you don't have to. This is where frustration and anger are. So around the eye is frustration and anger. So if you're working through something, and you're like, I am so pissed that I have believed this for my whole life. You can go here and or the outside of the eye, right? You might even be drawn to it.

And that's what I encourage people, if you say you know what, for some reason, I just want to tap in this one spot right now, go there, because that will be like the key that unlocks that energy moves it out, and then you get to the next level. But eventually you will get to that spot if you keep tapping. And if you're not listening exactly to your body, or you're not that intuitive yet. So going underneath the eye. So there's another one that's underneath the eye, and that's around control. So this is a big one. If you're having problems in life, it's usually because you think you have control over other people or situations are things and all you have control over is how you perceive them. So this is a big one for people.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 22:33

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So what are you saying at each location, each

Amy Stark 23:37

location so what you're going to want to do is depending on what your problem is, you're going to want to keep tapping and talking about it. So you can continue to say even though I'm at a level nine, I deeply love and accept myself. That's the very simple version. If you want to say even though I'm afraid to fly, and it makes me think that I'm gonna die, you know, like you can, you can say that or you think, even though I feel like a fool, because I know that it's safer to fly in an airplane than it is to get in a car. You know, you can say what's coming up. You can even say, even though I feel this weight on my shoulder being lifted off right now, I deeply love and accept myself because that will happen. So you can tune into how you're feeling and just tapping and talking and accepting and loving yourself. And surprisingly, that causes transformation. I'm joking. So the underneath the eye there is the control point. And then the next one, this one's a big one. It's underneath the nose and it's on the for nelum. I think that's what it's called

for. And you're just going to tap and talk like I was saying and that point connects the mind and the body. So a lot of times especially women, perfectionist people pleasers will go off of what the mind is telling and the body is like, Wait, we're so tired. Can we just take a break, please? He just said that the food was great. Like you don't need to keep going. Right but the brains like Nope, I'm not good enough. So this one, this point brings a connection between the mind and the body. And so I often tell people, you know, if you're feeling you know, scattered, disconnected, not in your body just come right here, this is going to help center you, then the next point is underneath the lower lip, it's right above the chin. So there's like that crevasse, that's right there.

So this, this point would be anything that you wanted to say to somebody, but didn't write or say the things that you've said to yourself that you probably wish you hadn't. It's all going to be tracked here. And this is why people get like TMJ. And you might even feel oh, my gosh, my jaw is relaxing. As I tap and talk about this. That's important. And then the next 1k 27, so it's where your collarbones are. And it's like right below it, it might even be sore. For some people, this is where you might be carrying some fear, some fear energy. So I use a C, like I make a C with my hands. And I tap both of them. You can also just tap with both hands if you want.

But this is where you're gonna say, you know, I have a fear of not being enough, I have a fear of flying, whatever it is, your fear is you tap and talk about it. Because you're saying I still accept you, I still love you, even though you have this fear. And it's ridiculous, right or whatever. The next point that I encourage people to do, it's not in traditional tapping, but it's right where the thymus is, or over the center of the chest. This is where you this is the number one place, I think that people hold a lot of trauma, okay. And this has to do with how they've talked to themselves, how they view the world, how they feel disappointed, both in themselves and other people. And I'm sure you've heard this before, that they're starting to understand that the electromagnetic field of the heart is actually the conductor of the feel of all your organs and have your whole field.

And when your heart is hurting, like we know, when we go through a breakup, like our heart actually hurts, or we hear like something traumatic, it hurts our heart and we get sad, dealing with this energy right here and waking it up and being like, I love you, even though this has been going on, you know, you're gonna be okay. Tapping right here is really, really helpful and really calming. So you can talk about how you may have, you know, missed out on trips, if you're afraid of flying, you know, I haven't taken my family away, or I had to send them and I had to stay home, you know, I that there was a lady that I worked with who had a fear of flying for, I think it was like 12 to 20 years, something crazy like that she had taken classes she had, you know, done the exposure therapy, she and she was just left with taking massive amounts of medicine and still being uncomfortable.

She came to me for one session, and we tapped, and we got rid of all the things and she the only anxiety she had when she flew the next day was that she didn't have anxiety. Wow, no, honey, Allah is possible when you do tapping and you really pay attention. The last spot is around the liver and spleen area. So it's a hands with down or right where your bra line is. And that's where you're going to talk about worry and anger again, worry and anger. And then that's one round of tapping. So you would start again back at the hand. And one hour of tapping is a really long amount of time. So you don't have to do one hour of tapping, any amount of tapping is going to help you get on the road to transformation. I use it sometimes just as a quick reset. Like, one time when my son was in kindergarten, he didn't get off the bus.

And I was like, Oh my God, what happened to him. And he went to a class that he thought he was still enrolled in. And I thought to myself, Okay, Amy, calm down. That's probably where he is. But like, I had to start tapping to make sure that I didn't lose it because then I had to take my dog. I had to grab my son take my dog to the vet. And then of course the dog doesn't tell the vet What's wrong, I have to tell them and so all of a sudden my brain is being hijacked and I can't come up with my words and I can't describe what's going on and the vets like well why are you even here you know, so I used it to reset and so as I'm driving there, I'm tapping on my heart chakra or you know the center of my heart where the thymus is I was tapping under the nose and then my son who knows tapping he was like, Oh mom, you thought I was gone forever right you know like it's not funny. I really did you know my part of my brain and my body thought that so

Dr. Stephanie Gray 29:25

so I'm trying to figure out even for the for the listeners like so how how they use this in their personal situation. So is there like a script? Yes of the points. Maybe you have something

Amy Stark 29:37

like on my on my website I have it's dark transformation slash EFT I have a little card that you can save to your phone that has all the different points. It also tells you all the things the reasons why we should do EFT also have some videos there. There's lots of research about how it helps with PTSD, how it helps with fears weight loss test taking man do I wish I had this for test taking when I was a kid, oh my gosh, so much anxiety for that. Depression, anxiety. I mean, there's just so many ways in which you can use EFT. And like I said, you can just use it to build the new life that you want, you can get rid of the trauma that's been stored in your body. And then you can see the truth. And you can start to create who you really are. Basically, I look at people and when they're in their, let's say, 30s, and 40s.

They're like a light bulb that has a lot of dust on them. Every time you do an EFT session, you're just cleaning that light bulb making it brighter. And then that's how you naturally become happier. Because you're not carrying all this trauma, all this stuff that's happened to the past, like all these regrets, you just let them go. So obviously, you're gonna become happier, you become healthier because you're now in the parasympathetic nervous system more often. And then eventually, you get to the point where you're like, wait a second, I know why I'm here. I know what I really want to do. And I'm not afraid to go for it. I'm not I don't think I'm gonna fool because I want to dream and I want to take risks and things like that. So it's not rocket scientists or science or AI like you're you just get happier and healthier naturally when you start to address these things.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 31:13

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If you're interested in exploring more about how magnesium can help support you living a longer, healthier life, and the exact type of magnesium supplement to look for, check out my blog post the magnificence of magnesium found at your longevity blueprint.com forward slash blog and use code magnesium for 10% off our magnesium keylite product at your longevity blueprint.com. Now let's get back to the episode. One that I think the listeners will really use that tool because I feel like okay, clearly I'm a perfectionist. I'm like, Okay, tell me exactly what to do. And I know that's what this is not about being perfect. Exactly. What's the fear point? Again? Did you say our fear is

Amy Stark 32:20

k 27. So it's like it's right here, right underneath the collarbone.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 32:24

That's the see one, okay. So like this weekend, I was at a conference, it flew down to Florida. And long story short, of course, I feel like I leave and a lot of things happen, our house loses power, and then my husband, you know, freezing weather in Iowa has tire comes off his car, it just lots of things happens. I left my purse at the conference, and I was worried I wasn't gonna get to fly home, like, all these things are happening, right? So I'm just just because this was my weekend, and I was definitely in fight or flight because you feel helpless? Like, am I even gonna get home to, like, help them and, you know, feel helpless? What would I do in that situation? So what I go through the full tapping? Or is there one point that I would say, you know, even though I'm in Florida, and I'm not at all able to help my family right now, because then you feel almost guilty? Like, maybe I shouldn't have gone to the conference because they were going to need me, you know, I'm just trying to walk the listeners through like, how would I apply EFT? In that moment? When I'm feeling overwhelmed and faraway?

Amy Stark 33:19

Well, you lost your purse? Probably because you were in fight or flight? Right? You couldn't keep track of it? There you go. Yeah, yeah, it's an extension of you. And you're just like, I need to get out of here. And your body's like, great. Let's get out of here, you know, and then you're like, wait, but I do need my purse to get out of here. So what I would say is that, depending on what the deeper emotional route came from, like, is it I can't take time for myself? Or I need to save everyone, you know, like, yeah, you would take a look at the different emotional patterns, or all of them, you know, it could be a combination of a lot of them. Like they can't survive without me like that. A women tend to think that right?

And men, I think it's tend to allow us to think that right? Because it's more convenient sometimes. So I would be tapping on all those things. Like, what can I really do if I get there, you know, what's more important that I stay here and stay present, I was really looking forward to this, I can be happy. That's another thing that women tend to struggle with. And then also, you know, a lot of people, like I said before, the reticular activating system is a very tricky thing. And so when you're doing EFT, you actually switch that reticular activating system to see the world differently, which is so beautiful. And that's called a mindset shift. But a lot of women, you know, feel like they aren't allowed to be happy aren't allowed to pursue the things that they want to pursue that everybody else has to come first. So we could address that by using tapping.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 34:44

Sounds like it's a beautiful tool that I definitely need some practice

Amy Stark 34:47

and yeah, and kids love it. That's the other thing is that I use it with my son to help him go to sleep. Like for instance, you know, it was just Christmas a month ago, and he was super excited. And he's like, Oh my gosh, You're gonna get to sleep, you know. So we'll do a round of tapping. And by the time we get finished with that one round,

Dr. Stephanie Gray 35:05

he is like, Mom,

Amy Stark 35:06

yeah, he's like, Mom, get leave, I'm good. You know, I'm going to sleep, that and also, I've taught kids in school to do tapping. And there was a little sixth grader who was like, I'm a perfectionist, and I can, I'm finally feeling calm right now. And then there was another boy that came up to me. And he's like, this is better than fidget, spinning or tapping my pencil or shaking my leg like this is actually productive. I listened to your whole lecture, and I understood it. So kids, you know, I think, here's, here's the thing, if we deal with our childhood traumas, we actually are going to be healthier adults, because there's a correlation between childhood trauma and chronic disease. Yeah, mental illness and addiction. So if we can help the children to master their emotions, now, we're gonna have a healthier, happier future, as a society.

And same goes true for you. And this is why I think that I am now 28 years old, because one, I'm more playful with life, I am much easier on myself, I'm much easier on other people, like I don't have expected high expectations of other people, I take them for where they're at, because I have accepted myself, I accept them. It's just something that naturally has happened. So people are like, I love hanging out with you. Because you're just so easy to be around. I'm like, Yeah, because I want to be easy. We're not around myself, like, you know, like, I don't need to be so hard on myself anymore. I used to be so hard, you know, and it didn't work out for me.

And when you face that dark night of the soul, which is what I refer to it, as you know, when I was 26 years old, and not wanting to be here anymore, and I've gone through several dark nights of the soul, it's just about you choosing you on a very deep level. And it's scary. And it might mean that you lose friends, it might mean that your career changes or where you live or your spouse or whatever. But if it's for your highest and best good, then it's something to really shift into, right, because we want to be happy, we want to be healthy.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 37:02

I want to come back to longevity, which you kind of already are, you're here, just throw it in bits and pieces of how this applies to longevity. But obviously, this is a longevity podcast. So with you, you kind of already said EFT has helped your immune system, your immune system age of your body, like literally basically go back in time that you have this immune system of a 28 year old. So are there other pieces of EFT that you think really support longevity? Or did you really already answer that question, which is reducing chronic disease? In general? Yes,

Amy Stark 37:32

that's the easy answer. Yes. But um, you know, what I will say is this mindset will also drastically change how you age, because it will put you into the parasympathetic nervous system. And this is the mindset things happen for you, not to you. When you think that things happen for you. You're even if it's terrible, like because I broke my back when I was 16 years old, and I my soccer career was ripped away from me and I was out of school for an entire year. I could look at that in two different ways, or many different ways. But basically two different ways. It was good for me or was bad for me, right? I asked myself, How is this happening for me? And when you do that, you're asking a question. And you you're starting your brain on this, like I said, the reticular activating system says, let me find the information and how this is working for me.

So your brain just starts off, it's a goal achieving machine. It's like Google, it'll find all the answers in which this is happening for you. So I can tell you that I can tell you how breaking my back when I was 16 years old has worked for me, I have not focused on how it happened to me, when we're in the parasympathetic nervous system. When we're in curiosity, and we ask these questions, we grow, we act like a child we play, we get creative. And that's where you're gonna get the most bang for your buck in life where you're just, oh, I don't know why this is happening. But it must be happening for my best good. You're like, and sometimes you don't know right away, you just stay patient. And sometimes you're waiting 10 years or 15 years. But if you have that mindset that you will eventually find it you will, you'll find it because your brain is a goal achieving machine and we'll find the answer for you.

It might be you know what, when Google gives you like 1000 responses, and you're like, dammit, I have to change the page. I have to keep going like, you're like this is too many, you know, population but maybe sometimes that's what it's like for your brain, you know, you're just on the 1000 you know, populated website and you're like, Oh, here's my answer.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 39:22

Love it. I it's just an awesome way to wrap up the show. So you did the conclusion. I didn't have to do that. So tell us Amy where listeners can find you and where they can find so on your website you said there's that kind of the EFT maybe guide or whatnot.

Amy Stark 39:37

Yeah, yeah. So it's all about EFT Yeah, so my website is stark transformation slash EFT. I have a podcast is called the stark transformation show. And we talk all about dark nights of the soul and how it has transformed people's lives to do what they love, you know, because you have to go through in order to get so passionate about it. But I also talked about EFT I talked about bio hacks because I'm a bio hacker I feel like you have to take care of your energy as well as your mind and body. I also am on Instagram Facebook. I'm on wisdom app now on Tuesdays at 10. So I don't know if you're familiar with that. So that's almost brand new. Sounds exciting.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 40:14

Well we will post links to all of that in the show notes. So I conclude every episode asking the guests their top longevity tips. So what would that be if you had to? Had to give us only one what's your top longevity tip?

Amy Stark 40:26

Smile, smile more.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 40:30

No one has ever said that. I love it.

Amy Stark 40:34

So seriously, I mean, essentially what you can smile if you don't take yourself seriously.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 40:37

Love it, love it. Love it. This is awesome. What a fun interview. Thank you so much for coming on your show today. And just sharing your story and your transformation in providing us tools like the emotional freedom technique to help us truly heal mind body spirit from the inside out. So thank you so much.

Amy Stark 40:51

Oh, thank you for having me as it's fun.

Dr. Stephanie Gray 40:56

on her website, specifically at Stark transformation.com forward slash EFT is the picture she referenced for where to tap plus a section that shows how to tap there you can find her EFT guide and learn about how to work with her and you can even take her you our energy course. She also has a free gift which is three secret podcasts on how to clear your energy and how and why you should do EFT again to connect with me visit Stark transformation.com Be sure to check out my book your longevity blueprint. And if you aren't much of a reader, you're in luck, you can now take my course online where I walk you through each chapter in the book. Plus for a limited time the course is 50% off, check this offer out at your longevity blueprint.com and click the Course tab.

One of the biggest things you can do to support the show and help us reach more listeners is to subscribe to the show. Leave us a rating and review on Apple podcasts or wherever you listen. I do read all the reviews and would truly love to hear your suggestions for show topics guests and for how you're applying what you learn on the show to create your own longevity blueprint. The podcast is produced by the team at counterweight creative as always, thank you so much for listening and remember, wellness is waiting.

The information provided in this podcast is educational. No information provided should be considered to be or used as a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always consult with your personal medical authority.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai